BEDIJ · Uncategorized

BEDIJ #23

A song -click here


This song is one of those songs that I lose myself in because I relate to it so much.

At points in my life I don’t recognize myself, I would shut off everything and feel paralyzed from myself. I would watch myself push friends and family away. No one around me noticed the change they thought I was just in a mood. 

This feeling wouldn’t leave till one day I looked back on who I was and who I had become. I blamed it on depression and anxiety. When the truth was it was me who had changed.

 I WAS TIRED OF BEING KNOWN AS WEAK.

I had been cyber bullied for something I didn’t do so everyone was treating me like something that would break. I wanted my life to go back to normal, I wanted these emotions that I was feeling to go away so I would move on and when it didn’t I shut it all off. To be honest I don’t remember much from that part of my life only that my family thought I was being a brat and my friends just didn’t notice because I put on a mask.

I realize now the person I became was someone I never want to see again. Yet it’s still there and whenever I start caring to much I feel the temptation to shut off my emotions. Because when I care to much I get hurt. Like with the kid at my school who I dumped water on and the guy I had a huge crush who had no interest in me yet I cared about him. 

That part of my I’m working on accepting, so I can move on. 
So this is an apology to all the people I hurt from my friends that I pushed away to the family I ignored. Yes that was a couple year ago now but it is still something you were apart of. 

I love you all,

Hailey XOXO 😘 

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